How many of us feel like we were born into slavery? No really. It’s like the day you were born, your mother looked at you all cute and thought to herself, “You are going to be the one.” The one for what you ask? A lot of unnecessary chores and misunderstandings.
From the time you discover what tea or coffee is, you automatically start looking like a kettle to your parents. When they come home from work, the first thing you hear is “Maak vir my ‘n bietjie tee of koffie.” And it seems like this coffee and tea you make is so lekker, that the moment a visitor steps in the house, you hear your name being called as all the aunties and uncles put in their orders on how much sugar or milk they want.
Besides being a kettle, you also start to resemble a postman. Nee rerag! It doesn’t matter how close your parents are to something, they will always call you to come get it for them. They would be in the lounge watching TV and you would be in your room, until you hear “Bring vir my die remote asseblief!”. The surprise which by now is not a surprise, is walking into the lounge and seeing them sitting an arm’s length away from the blerrie remote.
What’s worse about all this unpaid child labour, is that your parents are automatically deaf when it comes to hearing you. If they call you and you say “Ja ma”, they just go silent, as if you never responded. Then they just keep on calling you until you decide to go to them, while they pretend they never heard you in the first place.
Now even though your other slave duties include washing dishes and mopping the floors; your contribution to the slave trade is completely forgotten when you over hear your mother talking to other aunties. All you hear is how lazy and unhelpful you are because of one thing you neglected to do. It’s not enough to be a slave, in a Coloured house you must be a perfect slave.
But being the obedient and humble child I am, I’ve come up with a solution that has truly given me inner peace. Instead of complaining, one day I’m just going to put my kids through the exact same trauma. Vooitog.
My Kaaps Glossary:
“Maak vir my n bietjie tee of koffie” – Make some tea or coffee for me
“Lekker” – Nice
“Nee rerag” – No, really
“Bring vir my die remote asseblief” – Bring me the remote please
“Ja ma” – Yes mom
“Vooitog” — Shame